You Gun People Are Idiots

You people that get your jollies, your reason for living via the use and veneration of a gun are mentally feeble. A gun is a tool, nothing more. It’s a low preoccupation. Further, it’s sad that you worship these things and your “constitutional right” to own such a tool above all else, most notably an innocent person’s life. Can you think of nothing better to do? Why not worship a hammer or perhaps a lawn mower instead? Surely we’d all be better off. Especially you.

Such a condescending statement sounds awful, doesn’t it? But it’s how I feel. I’ve tried to be respectful and hold my tongue, but enough is enough. You people are feebs and I’m tired of you encroaching on my mental space.

I’ve always surmised that if you want to pin your identity on your right to possess a tool – a physical thing – an object that exists specifically to inflict violence, then as they say, “knock yourself out.” Let the dummies have their toys. Besides, it is mostly stupid people who get killed via domestic violence, workplace disagreements, and further that kill themselves via easy access to a suicidal implement, right? Have at it, I’ve said. Why not thin the herd a little?

Besides you gun people feel so strongly about them! And not just the thing itself but your precious right to own it, like it’s a naughty thing that may get snatched away, you bad boy you! Why provoke the numbskulls, right?

Why do you get so worked up about your precious guns anyway? It baffles me. It’s a thing. Possessing a gun doesn’t make you powerful. Perhaps, momentarily, it can compel one to act against his or her desire, under threat of violence, but that’s not true power and only a halfwit would think as much. But still, so many of us Americans seem willing to walk out on the limb of that logic. I guess there are just a lot of stupid people…

I see reportage from dread places – like Texas – where people fear the government (the government of all things!) is coming to take over… To take over what exactly? And do you really think that if the government were desirous of what you have, that your possession of a gun could stop them? Good lord, you are dumber than I even thought possible! And believe me, I think you are pretty dumb.

Trust me, nobody wants what you have, Texas. Us blue state sons of bitches would, if anything, rather be rid of you. We have less than no interest in “taking over.” In fact we’d rather hold onto our money (in the form of federal entitlements) of which you so liberally avail yourself. Face it, dumb-ass, YOU are a drain on US. We pay the bills around here. Your guns are a diversion, a shiny toy that distracts you from how shitty your bottom-feeding existence really is.

“But my constitutional rights!” you howl. George Washington put it in the constitution – our country’s founding document – that I get to own an AR-15 Groundhog with an extended clip!

Do you seriously think George Washington or any of the other founding fathers could in their wildest imaginations, conjure the violence wrought by an AR-15? They were smart guys, but they weren’t science fiction writers. A colonial dude’s lack of imagination isn’t a blank check for your right to possess weapons of mass destruction. They wrote a decent sentence, a sentence that states you have a “right to bear arms.” You can have a gun. You may not have a machine gun.

Hunters get to have hunting rifles. People that are concerned with personal safety can have a handgun for self-defense, provided they get the proper training and a license to own it. That makes sense. People outside of law enforcement or the military however, and I mean everyday schmoes like you with no logical use for them, should not be able to obtain arsenals capable of destroying a small city.

With the expiration of the assault weapons ban and our government’s complete inability to adopt common sense rules of any kind, we as a society have lost our heads. Clearly, you shitheads can’t be trusted to kill only yourselves with your idiot toys because it’s affecting the rest of us, those of us concerned with pursuing our lives and liberties peacefully.

And now your toys will be taken away. You’ve proven you can’t play with them responsibly. You’ve knuckleheads have only yourself to blame.

Last week – on the day of the shooting in San Bernadino – I came across my neighbor in the street, a woman visiting California from Sweden. She looked at me in distress and asked if I had heard about what was happening an hour’s drive to the East. This was just as the news of the massacre was breaking. I had, in fact seen a headline on my computer before walking out the door. Honestly, I hadn’t given it a thought beyond, “Oh, another shooting. That one’s not that far away. That sucks.”

I was embarrassed for myself. I was embarrassed for my country. Of course this woman would be appalled. Why wouldn’t she be? People were being mowed down in the streets of an American city. Yet ambivalence was now my default position. These things happen here in America. If the murder of 30 toddlers in Newtown CT isn’t going to change minds, then I don’t know what will. My society is a lost cause.

Instead, I tried to placate her and said, “Well you know, us Americans, we are crazy about our guns. This kind of thing happens all the time. San Bernadino is far away.” I knew however that the shooting might as well have been next door. Nobody here in America is safe. America is an unsafe place – statistically unsafe – and apparently we prefer it that way.

No longer however, can I afford my instinctual blasé attitude – which is to let the idiots have their ridiculous guns because you zipper-heads have overplayed your hand. You’ve endangered the rest of us. We were willing to look the other way while the dumb ones played with thier toys but you’ve pushed it too far. For me the last straw was Newtown but the unceasing torrent of self-inflicted violence since then may finally be turning the tide. You’ve succeeded in provoking the remaining sensible adults left in the room to the point that we will finally say, “enough is enough.”

I will at least see this idiocy and call it as much. You gun people are morons and the fact that my government values your right to be a dumb-ass over my physical safety is unacceptable.

I would get a gun to protect myself, but I’m not an idiot.

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